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Oct. 21st, 2009

thin beach water ocean island

(no subject)


Wrote this when I was bored this afternoon.

Confluence

There are certain moments in time that come unexpected, but when they embrace your startled gaze, and are felt from the tips of your toes to the tips of your fingertips in a flurry of shock, you can only ascertain that their occurrences are kismet.
A lonely river, after all, maybe tumble through all sorts of unforeseen twists and turns, ups and downs, calm currents and rushing rapids – but its flowing, glimmering path is always destined to give itself to the ocean in the end.
Freshwater to saltwater, stone beds to sand floors, an entity anew.
Just as the leaves transform to a splendor of scarlet and gold in the fall, and the hoarfrost coruscates lotus blossoms in the early mornings, or perhaps like a weary traveler who sets out on a mazy journey – these instances are recognized as fate.
We are all brooks and streams, feeding off one another with chilled courses and broad sweeps of softness, of sublte ripples and moss.
There are no derivations from the common path, for in the end it is a confluence that greets us all.
thin beach water ocean island

October

Haven't posted on this thing in so long...i feel so alone. I don't know who to turn to. At least things are beginning to look up, more so than last week when i actually considered driving my car off the wharf, or maybe into the wall of the freeway. My dad would be happier. So would all my friends who would sooner backstab me then look at me. Anyways, I failed miserably at today with school and eating. I don't even want to write about it. Hmmmm.

There's this guy i like, Anthony. Has a girlfriend. Big surprise. I didn't want to break anything between him and his girlfriend. Over texts he'd call me beautiful and photogenic and pretty girl, and I was surprised, consiering I'm not any of those things, but coming from him that actually made me feelbetter. Made me feel different. But then I found out he was calling one of my best friends the same thing. I'm not different. I'm just getting the same words he'd already thrown at other people. Don't know why that upsets me, but it does.

May. 14th, 2009

thin beach water ocean island

fml

i dont know what to do. i work at an amusement park/boardwalk, and i really like one of the guys i work with. only problem is i have a boyfriend. but the guy i work with told my friend that i'm pretty (?) and that he would pursue me or something like that. i don't know what to do.
HALP. basically. i'll figure it out soon. i'm getting over my boyfriend anyways. he's oblivious to my feelings, he tries to tell me i shouldn't hang out with my other guy friends, and he's basically a woman. he's too emotional sometimes and causes ALL the drama in our relationship. eck.

Jan. 7th, 2009

thin beach water ocean island

fat

fat.
my friend's friend came up to her the other day. he said hi to her. i said hi to him. and he gave me this weird look.
i think i saw disgust there.
i don't blame him.
i'm hideous.

i've had larygitus so i didn't eat yesterday except for frozen strawberries...
today ... not so good.
cheez its, 2 candy canes, soy burger.
siggggghhhh.

Dec. 13th, 2008

thin beach water ocean island

(no subject)

my friend pisses me off so much.
her: ' you like NEVER eat, i never see you eat, ever.'
me: 'i had a big breakfast this morning' (lie)
her: 'well yeah that's breakfast. i'm talking about lunch'

she should just mind her own buisness. she's way skinnier then me anyways. she dragged me off to california pizza kitchen. i only got a caesar salad and then she started just picking at her pasta. i don't know.

anyways i went christmas shopping today and treated myself to stuff at sephora, and a jacket, too. i got my dad a 50 dollar gift card and some see's chocolates. i feel kind of dizzy right now ... i had to do this nasal flow thing because of my sinuses but also my stomach is growling up a storm...ohhh kaay.

my friend was looking at formal dresses. it hurt to see her fitting into size 1 and sometimes 0. i'm not going to winter formal unless i have a date this year...but who would ask someone like me anyways?

Dec. 11th, 2008

thin beach water ocean island

(no subject)


I GOT MY LISCENSE YESTERDAY! So unbelievably STOKED!

Today was just too good, surprisingly. Maybe because I got 11 hours of sleep last night. Math test postponed, sub in ocean ecology, computer day for Honors Lit (and my teacher praised me for once), and in Spanish 3 we watched a movie. I discovered that the guy I like(d) has a gf, so now I'm just like alrighty then. He's kind of moody, anyways.

Tomorrow will be good. I have algebra, then ceramics, and then APUSH but i get out early at 12:25 because i don't have an afternoon class. And my friends and I are planning a party for my friend. :))

And today I ate:

A bowl of porridge and
Sugarless applesauce.


I weigh 123.5, but that's not even close to being good enough. Well ... I'll get to my goalweight eventually, I suppose ...
 

Dec. 9th, 2008

thin beach water ocean island

laughing

i laughed my ass off today. just laughed and laughed and laughed. all during school. i think i'm going into hysteria.

it started actually on monday when i went on a fieldtrip to a college library for my honors lit class. this lady who worked there was doing a computer presentation and she misspelt a word on the search engine, and after she did she said, "watch out for me i'm dangerous" in the most monotone voice EVER and i had to hold my laughter in so terribly. later when we to the college cafeteria my friend said thank you to a guy because she thought he was leaving his table but he wasn't. you kind of had to be there for that one. and i laughed on the bus ride home because we played 10 fingers and this weird game my friend came up with ...

then today i ended up laughing at the "watch out for me i'm dangerous" thing during honors lit, and i ended up stopping class because i was laughing so hard. then my friend and i ended up talking about a meta-vegetable. random. then during spanish i couldn't stop laughing about that stupid library lady again, among other things like the world ending in 2012 and stuff when me and my friend and some guys were having this weird conversation.

the guy i like has a girlfriend i think, i'm real bummed, i saw him talking to her. but there's this nice guy who sat in front of me today (he normally doesn't) and talked to me. maybe i'm okay looking if he's actually talking to me...he's a grade lower though so i think i'll stay away.

wow this is a long entry...
um, today i ate some cereal, celery, and just a soy patty. i feel bloated though cause im on my friggen period. i think i still weigh 123, i wish i was back at 114 like before ... oh well. i'll get there eventually, and then get to 105.

Dec. 5th, 2008

thin beach water ocean island

terrible

today was terrible. i cried a lot last night and this morning. i've been under stress and dealing with my dad and my psycho mom and my self esteem issues. and school, of course.

i hate how i can never catch any guy's eye. at least not anymore. i've recently gotten so flipping fat. and my skin is disgusting. watching a guy i used to like flirt with a super skinny beautiful girl in my ceramics class is harsh. he and i talk a little, but he's kind of a shy guy. but he was still talking to her, though. and i wished i could be like her. she was so pretty and thin.

weird thing is i've been thinking about my friend's ex a lot... she hurt him real bad, went out for a week and then dumped him. i was friends with him before they went out, though, but i ... don't know what to say about him. it's weird. i hope i don't have "feelings" for him, that'd be weird.

surfed the point, now i'm watching toy story right now, thankfully it's giving me a nice laugh. and my sprained neck is healing but i think i moved it too sharp during ap history, because i got this horrible pain that shot through my head and i gasped real loud but i dont think anyone noticed.

today i ate terribly. i had a shrimp burrito, cereal, and two cookies. just ... ew.

Dec. 4th, 2008

thin beach water ocean island

yeah

ok i'm new to this livejournal thing i guess .. i'll start with an entry.

so my dad's bitching at me as usual .. over my room. just because it's not up to his "clean standards" this morning he yelled at me because i was two minutes late to leave for school. i usually just try and ignore him without fighting back but then he'll yell even more. so whatever.

today wasn't all that bad, i'm really over high school though. i like ocean ecology though, but american literature gets real tedious after a while. and in spanish i sit next to this guy i've liked for maybe a month or so - hes got the most gorgeous blue eyes ever. i talk to him occasionally, but i don't flirt. i'm too ugly to flirt. HE always flirts with other girls, but never me. we've never even really had a decent conversation before.

i'm going to just guzzle cups and cups of water down. i wish i hadn't overeaten today. i had a soy burger and some salad and rice cakes.

right now me and my friend are trying to figure out where to have our friend's surprise party.. no luck so far.

oo. and i found a new love for britney spears song unusual you. it's funny cause i'm normally a reggae-beachy person.

hmm..